A High School Science Teacher

I subbed today for a high school science teacher.

Easy day.  I got to watch two (different!) episodes of CSI and an episode of Mythbusters, plus the first 40 minutes of Outbreak.

I also found a large stash of life size bones.  A few were made of plastic, but most were some kind of heavy resin.

Here's my proof.  Arr...

An 8th Grade Science Teacher

I subbed today for an eighth grade science teacher.
He had been gone since Friday of last week, making me sub number four.  I guess the guy has horrible hives covering nearly all of his body, and his doctor can't figure out why.  I know this because he included updates (for the kids) on his condition in the lesson plans.  He also included pictures for the kids to see on the website that they use to look at homework.
Science teachers are weird.

Oh, and his room had cameras in it.  I guess it is probably because the classroom (and side equipment room) is full of some very expensive stuff.  It isn't like I was going to do anything wrong... but it was still uncomfortable.

Lastly, I overheard the following insightful conversation,

Student 1: "I peed for seven minutes straight the other day!"
Student 2: "Wow!  That's a really long time."
Student 1: "I know!  I'd held it for like eight hours!"
Mr. C.:  "..."

A 10th Grade English Teacher

I subbed today for a high school English teacher.  I only had 10th graders.
She left them a very large list of assignments, all of which was due at the end of the hour.  Their list included reading and analyzing two poems, and then answering a bunch of questions about each.  They also had to write their own "narrative poem with five stanzas, four lines each." 
One of the poems they read was, La Belle Dame sans Merci by John Keats.  A group of (what could only be called) jocks sat loudly arguing with each other about what the poem was saying.  Ultimately, they started complaining to me about how "hard it was."  To help them with this, I read the poem aloud to them a couple stanzas at a time, pausing here and there to ask them "okay, what's going on?"  When we got to the end of it one student blurted out the following words of keen literary analysis, "Dude!  Brotha got played!"

During one class period a student challenged me with, "if writing that poem is so easy, why don't YOU do it?"  So, I took up the task.... only to get bored with it after 3 stanzas.  I guess the kid won.

Here's what I came up with...

My calendar fills at a changing pace.

My job takes me from place to place.

From week to week I don't know where I'll be;

I rely on sickness to pay my fee.

Tragedy for others is how I make my way,

But at least there's new excitement every day.

Some days I teach math, some days I teach English.

A passion for learning, I try not to extinguish.

Too often students try to be a pain,

And they find it funny to lie about their name.

But I know a trick, some may call it a power...

A simple note to their teacher can make them cower.



A 5th Grade Teacher

I subbed in a fifth grade classroom today.

The kids were getting raffle tickets today, which they are supposed to go out and sell for a school fundraiser.  The top four prizes?  Beef.  A quarter of a cow, to be exact.

An Art Teacher

I subbed today for a middle/high school art teacher.
I've subbed for art more times than I can count.  Sometimes, at the elementary level the teacher will want the kids to start a new, small project.  However, at the secondary level the lesson plans nearly always say something along the lines of, "students should continue working on projects - they know what to do." 
Today I was given typical secondary art lesson plans... with one exception.  During 2nd period I got to go down to the library and read the 1st graders.  I loved it.
One of the books I read was Hooray for Diffendoofer Day, by (sort of) Dr. Seuss.  It is a lot of fun to read aloud.

A High School History/English Teacher

I subbed today for a high school American History/English teacher.  I guess since those are (more or less) my certification areas I wasn't actually pretending today. 

While I've never actually had to teach grammar, in any capacity, it turns out that I do know how find the singular (and plural) possessive form of words.  Go figure. 

Being able to tell a class, "all four worksheets, plus an optional fifth worksheet can be due by the end of the hour, at MY discretion" is a wonderful thing.
A less wonderful thing is when a student asks, "what does discretion mean?"

A 6th Grade English/Language Arts Teacher

Today I walked into an assignment that should have been hell.  The school I worked in today just got back from spring break on Monday.  The teacher I covered for has been gone all week, and they've had a different sub every day.  It isn't common knowledge, but there comes a point, after enough different subs in a row, that the students turn feral.  Any conditioning or routines put into place degrade very quickly; often within two or three days.  Before the students arrived, in fact, I had other staff warning me that I was in for a rough time.
Actually, when I first got to the room there was a teacher in there getting some stuff around.  The first words out of her mouth were, "Oh, good.  You're tall.  Do you have a loud voice?"
I think part of what saved my day was that there were high school students giving anti-drug presentations during every class period.  Any time remaining I only had to facilitate silent reading.
The day actually ended up being pretty easy.  Even ended up getting compliments from both staff and.....students.