Enlightened.

For a while I forgot this blog existed.  My previous post was just over a month ago, but it feels like a lot more time has passed.
As I discussed in previous posts, I've accepted a full-time teaching job.  We're on week three of school.
Periods 1,2,3 I teach 7th grade history.
4,5,6 I drive down to the alternative ed. school to teach English.
7th hour I drive back to teach high school current events.

So, I'm out of school sick today.  I went in yesterday with what I thought was just a minor cold, something I could just muscle through.  Without going into detail, things got much worse as the day went on.  Come 7th hour, I was more focused on seeing a doctor than getting things around for the next day.
When I got home, I posted for a sub.  Someone I don't know, teaching my kids?  It's a bit nerve wracking.
Because this was last minute, I had to completely re-do my lesson plans for the day.  With that said, though, I think I wrote pretty good sub plans.  I've got a pretty good idea what subs want to know to make their lives easier.

I cannot wait to see how things went.

I've got another sub coming in on Friday because I'll be out of town for a conference.

A "Real" Teacher (Summer 2013 - Part 3)

Session 2 of summer school is well underway.
I've got 14 American History B students, and one World History student.  This is a much smaller and more manageable group than session 1.

Recently I overheard two girls arguing about which of them was "more redneck."  The deciding factor ultimately balanced upon which of the two hated tofu more.

I'm not sure which of them won, but I fear society as a whole may have lost.

a "Real" Teacher (Summer 2013 - Part 2)

Session 1 of summer school, 2013 has ended.
This is my third summer teaching in this program, and this has been, by far, the most challenging session yet.  I had never encountered such a large percentage of students who absolutely refused to participate in the class in any way (meaningful or otherwise).
Luckily for them (and me?) most of them decided to get their head in the game the last couple days, once they realized that if they didn't, they would fail my class, and have to either retake American History during the regular year, or take it in summer 2014.
A couple days before the end of the session, I put together lists of missing assignments for all of my students. This prompted the following exchange with one student, who had an exceptionally long list.

Student: What is this?  You expect me to do all this in two days?
Mr. C: No.  I  had expected you to do all this over the past two and a half weeks.

On Friday, when I finally got all my grades in, I found that most of the students I was most worried about had managed to squeak by in the low 60% range.  Only two failed, both in the 20% range.

When session 2 starts up again in August I'll be teaching the second half of American History to a much smaller group.  There are several familiar names on the roster, but not many.  We'll see how it goes.




On a completely unrelated note, if you're interested in teaching related blogs, check out one that a friend of mine recently started.  I quoted him once before, when he was living and subbing in Alaska.  Today he is teaching in South Korea.

I suggest starting with his introductory entry, A Long Time Coming.

A "Real" Teacher (Summer 2013 - Part 1)

I'm teaching summer school again this year.  It is my third year teaching in a credit-recovery program.  These kids are with me because they failed their class the first time around.

My class is MUCH larger than in the past.  I've got 24 American history students, and 1 world history student.  In the past I've had not more than 12 kids at a time, though at least right now I've only got two classes happening, instead of four.

With a group this size, all taking the same subject, I feel like I should be able to treat this as a "normal" class. However, I discovered very quickly that such a tactic does not work.  Those 24 kids are with me because they failed American history for first time around.  I have to keep reminding myself that I've got EXCLUSIVELY the kids that "don't want to be there."  This session started Thursday of last week, and every day I've had to remind students about what's at stake.

I love teaching American history.  It's fun, interesting, and (frankly) really easy to make relevant.  However, with this group, I find myself just telling them, "if you fail with me, you'll have to do it again, for an entire semester."

Enough seriousness.

Today I had a student eat three grease-bomb breakfast sandwiches during our first morning break.  He bragged loudly about it at first, but it didn't take long for him to turn white and sit quietly holding his stomach.  When I asked what was up, he said he felt really sick.  I didn't have any pity.

Later, while in the hallway during a break...

Random Girl:  "Oh God, I'm gonna have to pee like a banshee after all that coffee."

A Math Teacher

The following conversation happened in math class today.

Student 1: Hey, what's the square-root of 64?
Mr. C: Uh... *looking around for a calculator* I have no idea.
Student 2: Eight. *said very casually, without looking away from something else she was doing*
Mr. C: Go with eight.  She seems very confident in her answer.

A Biology Teacher

I "taught" high school biology today.
This mostly consisted of showing movies.

I found these adorable little guys sitting on a table in the back of the room.

In Demand

Friday was the last day for the Seniors at [City Withheld]  High School.
This is a school that I have subbed at many, many times, including a couple long-term jobs.  This year's Seniors were Freshmen when I first started working there.  This is the first time I've ever really been able to see a class through their entire high school career (even if I wasn't there every day). 
Knowing that Friday would be their last day, I decided weeks ago that I would not accept any other jobs for that day. A early last week I started to notice a LOT of job openings.  One school had 10 posted positions for Friday.  I began hearing teachers complaints at other schools about how their posted jobs were not being taken.  I felt reasonably confident that if I did not get into my school of choice, I would easily be able to land a job elsewhere.  There were so many jobs that the staffing agency I work for sent out a mass email telling all their employees to "please make yourselves available" to work on Friday.  That's something I'd never seen before.
Thursday morning I accepted a job at [City Withheld] High School.
When I arrived, I discovered a couple major things.  First, the teacher I was subbing for was actually around and in her classroom all morning, and only needed a sub for the afternoon.  It was unclear why the job had been posted for a full day.  Second, a posted job for a different teacher had gone unfilled.  This kept me very busy all day.

Why was Friday such a popular day for teachers to skip?

Also, one of the Seniors gave me a Senior-photo.  I felt special.

A History/P.E. Teacher

I subbed today for a Social Studies/Gym teacher.

Most of my gym classes today played soccer.  I guess this was injury day.  One girl pulled a muscle in her leg.  One girl twisted her ankle.  Two boys tried to catch the ball with their face.  Luckily there was no blood or broken limbs.

The seventh grade history class had an awesome assignment.  They were given a fictional report on a 4000 year old archaeological dig site.  They had to draw pictures of all the items described in the report, and suggest how the items may have been used.  Once they finished, I gave them a picture of the dig site.  It turned out that the scene they read about was a modern motel bathroom, where someone had died in the bathtub.
I thought the assignment was fun.

The final image.

A 12th Grade English Teacher

I subbed today in a senior English class.

We watched Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.  At the same time, there was a strong thunderstorm going on.  On more than one occasion, a climatic scene in the film was punctuated by a BOOM from outside.  It was pretty cool.

Also, apparently this is "Teacher Appreciation Week."  I didn't think teachers were EVER appreciated.  They had pizza in the break room for the staff.  Usually I won't eat the "for staff" munchies, but there were only five of us in the break room, and there was something like 4 large pizzas.  It was much better than the lunch I had brought with me.

A Business Education Teacher

I subbed in a business/computer class the other day.

Computer classes might just be the single most boring class to sub for, especially when the kids are good.  All day the kids sat silently and typed away.

In fact, this may have been the most interesting part of the day...

Student: "Hey, is this vocab sheet double-sided?"
Mr. C: *picks up his copy and flips it over, showing a blank side* "Nope."
Student: "Oh, I guess I could have done that."

A US History Teacher and a Special Ed Teacher (plus a BONUS rant!)

Today was exciting.
I excepted a job posting to teach high school US History.  When I arrived at the school this morning, I found out that, despite what the job posting said, I was only getting a half day's work (and pay).
Something similar to this happened a month so ago in this same district.  I had planned on registering a very firm complaint about this at the end of the assignment.  Before that could happen, though, I was asked if I could fill in the rest of the day for another teacher, who's sub had not shown up.  I was told that if I accepted I would be paid for two half days, rather than one half day.
I probably should have complained anyway, on principle, but by the end of the day I just wanted out of the building.

The second half of the day was spent with a special education class.  I had a lunch period separating the two parts of my day, and I ate in the special ed room so that I could go over the lesson plans.  The remaining two class periods of the day were rather vague.  They simply talked about taking the kids to the library, with no mention of what they were supposed to do.
Near the end of lunch another teacher came in, asking if I knew about the trip to the library.  I told him that I had seen it mentioned, but no specifics were given.  At this point he explained that my class was meeting up with two other special ed classes, and they were all taking a public bus across town to the public library.
The trip was really very easy.  I was told that the teachers usually just spread out around the building and read, trying to set a "good example" for the students, who pretty much just screw around the whole time.
We returned to school with about 25 minutes left in the day.  The kids were wound up pretty high, and I was not left with any material to fit the situation.  I told them to "sit and read quietly."  Most did, the rest sat and talked, thinking I couldn't hear them.

Okay, so, here's my question to all you other subs out there...
If you accepted an assignment online which was posted as being an entire day (at a full-day's pay), and when you arrived you were told that the assignment was only a half day... would you be upset?  Would you feel cheated?  Am I being melodramatic?

Personally, I won't accept partial day assignments unless it is the day of, and there are no full-day assignments available.  I feel like the district is cheating me - a "bait and switch" sort of deal.
As I said, I had a similar problem with this district a while back.  I didn't write about it, and I probably never will.  I usually try to keep the material here positive and funny (or at least light-hearted).
Suffice it to say, I was under the impression that the district understood why posting jobs incorrectly (in regard to the pay scale) was not in their best interest.

A Pretend Gym Teacher

Last week I had two separate assignments as history teachers.  During both of those assignments I was asked to sub for a gym teacher on what would have been a prep period.

The first day I was in a very large class being co-taught with another gym teacher.  She was there that day, so I just needed to supervise.  The class was having a badminton tournament.  About 15 minutes in the other teacher asked me if I wanted to be her partner against a pair of students with no one else to play.  I agreed, and quickly discovered two things.  1) I am HORRIBLE at badminton (though the teacher and the students were cool about it.... going so far as to let me re-serve shots when I missed the shuttlecock entirely) .  2) Badminton is a surprisingly athletic game, and wearing a button-down shirt and tie while playing is a very bad idea.
On a side note, the other teacher and I DID end up winning a very close game.  I'm pretty sure if I hadn't been given an unofficial handicap we would have lost.  Also, she nailed a kid directly in the eye with a shuttlecock, then laughed at him once she realized he hadn't lost any vision.

The second day was a much smaller gym class, and the students were playing Pickle Ball, and I also joined in on a game the last 10 minutes of class.  Despite all appearances it was much more difficult than badminton.  It was good that the group I was playing with weren't really keeping score.  In fact they were not all that interested in the competitive aspect of the game period.

A High School Biology Teacher

Yesterday I subbed for a high school biology teacher.  It was the last day of the trimester, and two of the four class periods were taking an exam.

About 10 minutes into first period, when all the kids were silently working, the feeder crickets in the back started to chirp.  It was so perfectly timed that at first I thought a kid was playing a sound effect from their phone.  It was pretty funny.

Twenty minutes later a chair (which had been put up over night) fell off an unused table in the back.  It was very loud, and very unexpected.  After a few startled screams, most of the kids started laughing, and saying that the classroom is haunted.  A few others started saying that it was a bad sign, and that I should cancel the test.

Later in the day, one of the class periods had already taken their exam, so we watched an episode of the BBC documentary series, Planet Earth.

The segment below really freaked the kids out.

A High School Art Teacher

I spent 3 days this week as a high school art teacher.
The teacher's absence was very sudden and unexpected.  I was left with instructions that pretty much consisted of, "keep working on existing projects.  If someone finishes, have them start a new project of their choice.  If all else fails, have them work on homework."
I managed to keep kids working on artsy stuff for the first two days, but by day three nearly all kids were exclusively working on homework.

Friday morning was especially bad.  We had a pretty good sized snow storm, but because of the number of snow days already used this year, school was not cancelled.  I left home about 15 minutes early, expecting to be slowed down a bit.  Twenty minutes out, I knew I wasn't going to make it on time, so I called the school to let them know.  When I finally arrived, 15 minutes after school started, they were happy that I manged to show up at all.  Several subs had been scheduled that day, and all but one other had cancelled outright.

One student, right before lunch, decided he was going to channel Jackson Pollock.  Despite setting up several safety measures to prevent making a mess, he managed to get a few small red drops of paint on the bright white jerseys of several varsity basketball players.  Needless to say, the athletes were a little upset.  They held themselves in check very well, and the situation did not escalate, but for a few moments I thought there might be real trouble.

A Band Director

I recently subbed for a band director.  I had both middle school and high school classes.

The middle school band got to watch a movie.  The picked The Land Before Time.  A large number of them (mostly boys) laughed loudly when Littlefoot's Mother died.  I know they were just trying to show off how "tough" they are, but it was still disturbing.

One high school "Music Appreciation" class picked Star Wars: Return of the Jedi over the other Star Wars movies.  This isn't a choice that I can understand.


I started this blog in March 2011.  Just recently I passed 10,000 hits.  I think that's pretty good for just shy of two years.

Thank you all!

A High School Science Teacher

I subbed today for a science teacher.  I have written about her classroom several times in the recent past.

My first class of the morning was anatomy.  It was pretty easy.  I showed the kids a PowerPoint slide show, featuring labeled diagrams of various muscle groups.  Some of the names of the muscles have "weird names" or are difficult to pronounce, which led to a couple interesting comments...

Student 1: "Sternocleidomastoid?  Sounds like a children's cereal."

Student 2: "Zygomaticus... that would make a great name for a kid."
Mr. C: "I think that would be cruel."
Student 3: "His nickname could be Ziggy!"

The students in today's Biology class wanted to have a "party" today at 12:12.  I told them there was no way, because they were supposed to take a test.  When the minute came, however, I let them stop and give a collective yell of "WOOO!!!"
After, I made them go straight back to the test.

A High School English Teacher

I subbed in a brand new school today.
The place was huge.  After the secretary took me to my classroom, I was worried that I would never find my way back to the office.  I also had to take the kids down to the library for my first class.  Since I had no idea where that was, and I didn't want to show weakness, I just said, "alright guys, let's head to the library."  Then followed them.  By the end of the class period, I was concerned that I might not be able to find my way back to the classroom.

During my first class, while I was in the middle of taking attendance, a  student yelled out, "do you believe in Bigfoot?"
Later in the same class I was treated to, "if you could be any animal, what would you be?"


Lastly, for all you "real" teachers out there, please heed these words of wisdom from a friend of mine subbing in Alaska:

Worst thing a teacher can do to a sub? Only provide thirty minutes of work for an hour and twenty minute class.

A Physics Teacher

I was a science teacher today.
Not the same teacher I mentioned in my last entry.

Part of today's lesson involved going over homework.  This involved having kids come up to the board and writing out how they solved various physics problems.  The teacher left me an answer key that showed the major steps for each questions.
Even with the key in hand, some of what the kids were doing still looked like alchemy.

The second part of the lesson involved several book problems and a worksheet.  A lot of kids were able to get both done with a little time to spare.  With about 5 minutes left in one period, while circulating around the room, I walked into an overwhelming cloud of some sort of sweet citrus scented spray.  At the nearest table sat two boys, in their varsity football jerseys.  I asked them...
Mr. C.: Hey guys, did one of you just dose yourself in some kind of stinky spray?
Guy 1: Huh?  Oh, yeah, we smelled that too.  I think it's coming from them. *points at nearby table, where four girls are sitting*
Mr. C.: Are you sure?  It really smells like it is coming from over here...
Guy 2:  Yeah, it's not us, we smell like new cars.
Mr. C.: New cars.....?
Guy 2: Yeah, we got new jerseys for the play-off games.  They smell like new cars.  Here, sniff!  *He moves towards me, lifting the jersey away from his shoulder*
Mr. C.: *Taking a step back*  Yeah.  No.  Sorry.  I'll take your word for it.  There is no way I'm going to sniff a football jersey.
Guy 2: Come on!  It's clean, we just got them.  It really does smell like a new car! *takes a big sniff of his own shoulder*
Mr. C.: That is great, really.  But nothing you say or do will get me to sniff a jersey.

A Science Teacher

I spent Tuesday and Wednesday this week subbing for a science teacher.
It is the same teacher I subbed for a few weeks back.
One of the classes took a test, identifying the parts of a crayfish.  Some of the directions were not very clear, and my lack of crayfish expertise kept me from being able to help them.  I always feel bad about that sort of thing.

Thursday was the Opening Day of Firearm Deer Season.  It is celebrated as a holiday.  All area schools were cancelled, and on Wednesday the kids could only talk about their opening day plans.
One boy was bragging that he was going to be able to bring his iPad out with him, and play on that while waiting.

A High School Math Teacher

I had several random students walk into class today and start distracting kids while they were working.  This actually happens all the time in this district; often enough that I assume it must be "normal."  Each time I would just boot them out.
So, when someone quietly walked in (the kids all have their backs to the door) dressed in a Halloween horror mask, and long cape, I didn't care that he was putting his finger to his lips, motioning for quiet.  I just said, "alright, take the mask off and get out of here."
It turned out that it was a teacher, hoping to get a scare from the class.  He muttered something along the lines of, "at least I got the other class" as he hurried back out the door.

I felt like a total jerk, but given the day I had had, I don't think my reaction was unjustified.


The following happened in an Honors Geometry class.

While moving around the room helping kids classify angles, I noticed two of the geekier students in the back throwing papers balls at each other.
I moved back to their desks and said, in my sternest "teacher's voice," "Hey.  What do you think you're doing?"
A girl looked up at me, obviously embarrassed, and possibly slightly intimidated and replied, "we were LARPing... I just cast Magic Missile on him." 
After that, all I could do was turn and walk away.
I have to admit, in almost 5 years of subbing, I have NEVER heard that one before.