A High School English Teacher

I subbed in a brand new school today.
The place was huge.  After the secretary took me to my classroom, I was worried that I would never find my way back to the office.  I also had to take the kids down to the library for my first class.  Since I had no idea where that was, and I didn't want to show weakness, I just said, "alright guys, let's head to the library."  Then followed them.  By the end of the class period, I was concerned that I might not be able to find my way back to the classroom.

During my first class, while I was in the middle of taking attendance, a  student yelled out, "do you believe in Bigfoot?"
Later in the same class I was treated to, "if you could be any animal, what would you be?"


Lastly, for all you "real" teachers out there, please heed these words of wisdom from a friend of mine subbing in Alaska:

Worst thing a teacher can do to a sub? Only provide thirty minutes of work for an hour and twenty minute class.

A Physics Teacher

I was a science teacher today.
Not the same teacher I mentioned in my last entry.

Part of today's lesson involved going over homework.  This involved having kids come up to the board and writing out how they solved various physics problems.  The teacher left me an answer key that showed the major steps for each questions.
Even with the key in hand, some of what the kids were doing still looked like alchemy.

The second part of the lesson involved several book problems and a worksheet.  A lot of kids were able to get both done with a little time to spare.  With about 5 minutes left in one period, while circulating around the room, I walked into an overwhelming cloud of some sort of sweet citrus scented spray.  At the nearest table sat two boys, in their varsity football jerseys.  I asked them...
Mr. C.: Hey guys, did one of you just dose yourself in some kind of stinky spray?
Guy 1: Huh?  Oh, yeah, we smelled that too.  I think it's coming from them. *points at nearby table, where four girls are sitting*
Mr. C.: Are you sure?  It really smells like it is coming from over here...
Guy 2:  Yeah, it's not us, we smell like new cars.
Mr. C.: New cars.....?
Guy 2: Yeah, we got new jerseys for the play-off games.  They smell like new cars.  Here, sniff!  *He moves towards me, lifting the jersey away from his shoulder*
Mr. C.: *Taking a step back*  Yeah.  No.  Sorry.  I'll take your word for it.  There is no way I'm going to sniff a football jersey.
Guy 2: Come on!  It's clean, we just got them.  It really does smell like a new car! *takes a big sniff of his own shoulder*
Mr. C.: That is great, really.  But nothing you say or do will get me to sniff a jersey.

A Science Teacher

I spent Tuesday and Wednesday this week subbing for a science teacher.
It is the same teacher I subbed for a few weeks back.
One of the classes took a test, identifying the parts of a crayfish.  Some of the directions were not very clear, and my lack of crayfish expertise kept me from being able to help them.  I always feel bad about that sort of thing.

Thursday was the Opening Day of Firearm Deer Season.  It is celebrated as a holiday.  All area schools were cancelled, and on Wednesday the kids could only talk about their opening day plans.
One boy was bragging that he was going to be able to bring his iPad out with him, and play on that while waiting.

A High School Math Teacher

I had several random students walk into class today and start distracting kids while they were working.  This actually happens all the time in this district; often enough that I assume it must be "normal."  Each time I would just boot them out.
So, when someone quietly walked in (the kids all have their backs to the door) dressed in a Halloween horror mask, and long cape, I didn't care that he was putting his finger to his lips, motioning for quiet.  I just said, "alright, take the mask off and get out of here."
It turned out that it was a teacher, hoping to get a scare from the class.  He muttered something along the lines of, "at least I got the other class" as he hurried back out the door.

I felt like a total jerk, but given the day I had had, I don't think my reaction was unjustified.


The following happened in an Honors Geometry class.

While moving around the room helping kids classify angles, I noticed two of the geekier students in the back throwing papers balls at each other.
I moved back to their desks and said, in my sternest "teacher's voice," "Hey.  What do you think you're doing?"
A girl looked up at me, obviously embarrassed, and possibly slightly intimidated and replied, "we were LARPing... I just cast Magic Missile on him." 
After that, all I could do was turn and walk away.
I have to admit, in almost 5 years of subbing, I have NEVER heard that one before.

A High School Science Teacher

I spent three days this past week as a high school science teacher.  This woman has five different classes to prep for... that is pretty intense.

The Freshman Biology class spent two of the three days creating biome posters.  On the first day I went over the rubric with them.  One of the items was, "cite at least 3 sources."  I'm almost positive that the teacher only wanted them to list the book title or URL for their information.  However, I told the kids that this meant they needed to have a proper citation page for their poster, and that it should be in either MLA or APA formatting.  The kids were really unhappy about this.  Their complaints lessened once I pointed them towards CitationMachine.net, but only slightly.
I figure it is always a good thing when kids realize that properly citing information is needed beyond research papers.
I told their English teacher about this during lunch one of the days, and she loved it.

The school also had a varsity football home game on Friday.  On Thursday, one of the guys on the team asked me if I wanted to wear his away jersey the next day.
I politely turned him down.

An Awesome History Teacher

I found the following item sitting on the teacher's desk.

Poke (base) ball

He had a rubber shark with a laser pointer taped to its head hanging from the ceiling.

The kids told me he has an armory of Nerf swords locked in a cabinet.

I don't know this guy, but he is clearly awesome.

A Test Proctor

I'm on a special assignment.

I have traveled about 100 miles north in order to help proctor a state-run standardized test.  Not only is the subbing agency reimbursing me for my mileage, hotel, and meals, but I'm also earning almost twice what I make at most schools for a subbing job.

The job is almost mind-numbingly easy.  There are 11 students mixed between grades three and eight.  The state requires that each grade have its own proctor.  I spent the first two hours of the day ready to escort kids to the bathroom, and the second two hours watching a single eighth grader take the test.

You may be wondering why any school would want to take part in this absurdly over-priced situation.
First, the state has very strict requirements on the administration of this test.  Second, the school I'm working with is an online charter school.  The students are basically home-schooled, except the curriculum goes through this school, and kids turn in homework online, to a teacher they've never met.   In some cases, the kids (or, I guess their parents) have driven over an hour to be at this testing site.  The school has testing sites all over the state.

I will be here for the rest of this week, and part of next week.